I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
