And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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