i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
