She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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