I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sarcasm needs its own font
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
