so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
