sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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