WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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