Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
