just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
