So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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