I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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