You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
