I could make wine with my vomit
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
