yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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