You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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