Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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