Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
