For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
