At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
