i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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