dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
