the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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