would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
