So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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