I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
vagina is talking i cant
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize