how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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