matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
