I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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