The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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