nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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