Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
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I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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