Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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