omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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