I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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