My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
