You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
