you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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