Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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