The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
