I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
