Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
