he fucked my hip out of place.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
