I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
