chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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