So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
