I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
