god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
