How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
