I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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