i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
