happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
