LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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