Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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