How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
