Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
