how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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