so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
