Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We left an ass print on the piano.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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