Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
