Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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