I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
