I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Someone signed my nipple.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
