if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A+ Viking dick
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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