Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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