And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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